For parents and caregivers
How do I talk
about it?
Find suggestions for how to begin, what you can say and how to help your child afterwards.
Before you begin
Find a calm moment
Choose a suitable time
A walk, a car journey or spending time together at home may make talking easier.
Begin with what you have seen
Describe what you have noticed and ask how your child experiences it.
Give your child time
Ask one question at a time. Listen to the answer before offering more questions or advice.
What is it about?
What would you like to talk about?
Open a topic to see suggested questions and responses. Choose what fits and use words that feel natural to you.
Start the conversation
What you can say
“I have noticed that you are in pain during your period. What is that like for you?”
“How are things at school when you have your period?”
“Is there anything you need help with when your period comes?”
If your child responds …
Your child says
“It really hurts, but I suppose that's normal.”
You could respond
“When it hurts this much, I want to help you. We can book a doctor's appointment and find out what could help.”
Your child says
“I'm embarrassed to talk about periods.”
You could respond
“I understand. You can send me a message if that feels easier.”
Keep this in mind
Ask how pain and bleeding affect sleep, school and leisure activities.
Your child's experience may differ from yours. Listen to how they describe it.
Severe pain, repeatedly bleeding through products or marked tiredness should be assessed by a doctor.
After the conversation
Ask how things go the next time your child has a period. Help with period products and appointments if needed, and check whether the measures are helping.
Understand period symptoms
Read about pain, bleeding and changes in the menstrual cycle.
Explore what can happen during periodsStart the conversation
What you can say
“A lot happens to the body during puberty. Is there anything you are wondering about?”
“Would you like me to explain some of the changes, or would you rather read about them yourself?”
“Is there anything you need, such as deodorant, a bra or period products?”
If your child responds …
Your child says
“Everyone else is developing faster than I am.”
You could respond
“I understand that you compare yourself with others. Bodies develop at different rates. What are you thinking about most?”
Your child says
“I want to keep my body private.”
You could respond
“I respect that. I will ask before bringing up anything about your body. You can come to me if you have questions.”
Keep this in mind
Ask before discussing personal changes to your child's body.
Explain new words and answer what your child actually asks.
Give your child privacy and make it easy to ask for practical help.
After the conversation
Let your child know where to find good explanations. Offer to read together or help prepare questions for the school nurse.
Understand puberty
Read about changes to the body and why children develop at different rates.
Read about pubertyStart the conversation
What you can say
“I have noticed you often skip meals. How have you been feeling lately?”
“You seem anxious when you miss exercise. Would you like to tell me about that?”
“I am worried about how you are doing. I would like to hear what you think.”
If your child responds …
Your child says
“You're exaggerating. I'm fine.”
You could respond
“I hear that this is how you see it. I have noticed you are eating less and seem more tired. That is why I would like us to book a doctor's appointment.”
Your child says
“I get frightened if I eat more.”
You could respond
“Thank you for telling me. That sounds difficult. We can get help with that fear, and I can go with you.”
Keep this in mind
Describe what you have seen and how it appears to affect your child.
Be careful about commenting on weight, body size or appearance.
If an eating disorder is possible, your child needs medical assessment, even if they find it difficult to accept help.
After the conversation
Contact your GP if concerned. Offer to come along and ask for advice about meals, exercise and how the family can support your child.
When food and exercise take up too much space
Read about changes to notice and how to get help.
Read about food, body image and exerciseStart the conversation
What you can say
“I've noticed you're spending more time alone and seem tired. How are you doing?”
“Is something difficult at home, at school or with friends?”
“Would you like me to listen, or is there something you want help with?”
If your child responds …
Your child says
“I don't know. Everything just feels heavy.”
You could respond
“That sounds painful. When do things feel hardest? I want to listen, even if you find it difficult to explain.”
Your child says
“I can't take it anymore.”
You could respond
“I'm worried when you say that. Have you been thinking about hurting yourself or taking your own life?”
Keep this in mind
Ask one question at a time and give your child time to think.
Finish listening before proposing solutions.
Ask directly about self-harm and suicidal thoughts when concerned. It is safe to ask.
If your child has suicidal thoughts, assess whether immediate help is needed.
After the conversation
Ask how your child is feeling again. Help contact the school nurse or GP and follow up to ensure an appointment is made. Call 116 117 if urgent help cannot wait.
If there is immediate suicide risk
Call 113 and stay with your child until help arrives, even if they ask you not to call.
Call 113Start the conversation
What you can say
“How have you been lately? Have you noticed changes in your mood?”
“You mentioned feeling different since starting contraception. Would you like to tell me more?”
“Would you like help talking to a school nurse or doctor about how you are feeling?”
If your child responds …
Your child says
“I think the pill is making me sad.”
You could respond
“I want to take that seriously. We can work out when it started and get help assessing whether contraception may be involved or whether other things are affecting you.”
Your child says
“I don't want you involved in my contraception.”
You could respond
“I respect that this is personal. I just want you to know I can help if you want to talk to someone or need support.”
Your child says
“I'm thinking about stopping contraception.”
You could respond
“We can explore the alternatives with a healthcare professional. If you need protection against pregnancy, it is important to have a plan for that too.”
Keep this in mind
Mood changes can have several causes. Some people experience symptoms with hormonal contraception, but changes occurring at the same time do not prove it is the cause.
Ask how your teenager experiences the situation and when symptoms began. Avoid dismissing their feelings or deciding the cause in advance.
Teenagers have rights to participation and privacy. Offer practical help without demanding intimate details.
Persistent or significant mental health symptoms should be assessed by a school nurse, GP or whoever prescribed the contraception.
If there are thoughts of self-harm or suicide, ask directly and seek prompt help. Call 113 if there is immediate suicide risk.
After the conversation
Check how your teenager is doing. Offer help arranging an appointment or preparing questions for healthcare professionals. If the contraceptive method is to be changed or stopped, the teenager should get advice on continued pregnancy protection if relevant.
Contraception and mood
Read what we know about hormonal contraception and mental health and how to support your teenager.
Read about contraception and mood changesStart the conversation
What you can say
“If you have questions about sex or having a crush, you can ask me.”
“I can help you find contraception or somewhere to get tested if you need it.”
“Would you like me to show you where to find reliable answers to questions about sex?”
If your child responds …
Your child says
“This is really embarrassing.”
You could respond
“Yes, it can feel embarrassing. We can talk another time. You can also send me a message if that feels easier.”
Your child says
“I want to speak to the school nurse alone.”
You could respond
“That's completely fine. Would you like help finding out when you can go there?”
Keep this in mind
For younger children, conversations can focus on bodies, having a crush and personal boundaries.
For teenagers, contraception, testing and consent are also important topics.
Let your teenager decide which personal details they want to share.
Explain that healthcare professionals can provide advice and answer questions about confidentiality.
After the conversation
Make condoms easy to access and help identify healthcare services. Offer practical help and let the teenager decide whether you should come along.
Youth health clinics
A free service offering advice about the body, sexual health and how teenagers are feeling.
Read about youth health clinicsStart the conversation
What you can say
“What should we do if someone wants a game to stop?”
“How can you ask whether someone wants a hug?”
“How can you tell whether another person wants to kiss or continue?”
“What can you do if a friend is pressuring someone?”
If your child responds …
Your child says
“It was only a joke.”
You could respond
“Tell me what happened. A game should be something everyone wants to take part in, and we stop when someone wants to stop.”
Your child says
“I want to keep my private life to myself.”
You could respond
“I respect that. We can talk about hypothetical situations instead.”
Keep this in mind
Explain with situations your child understands before introducing new terms.
Let your child think out loud. Discuss asking first and listening to the answer.
For teenagers: Consent must be freely given and applies to what people actually agree to. Either person can stop at any time.
After the conversation
Return to the topic in natural everyday situations. A school nurse can help you with the conversation.
Learn more about consent
Find explanations and examples to use in conversations.
Read about personal boundaries and respecting othersStart the conversation
What you can say
“I've learned about a situation that worries me. Would you tell me what happened?”
“I want to help you, and we need to make sure this stops.”
If your child responds …
Your child says
“The others did it too.”
You could respond
“We need to talk about what you did and how it affected the other person.”
Your child says
“I'm afraid to tell you.”
You could respond
“I want to listen. We will find help and take responsibility for what happened.”
Keep this in mind
Distinguish between supporting your child and accepting harmful behaviour. Talk about what your child did without labelling them as a person.
If abuse is suspected, seek professional advice about safety and the next steps.
Care for both children. Respect the affected child's wish for distance. Any dialogue should be planned with professionals, taking both children's safety into account.
After the conversation
A school nurse or GP can help you assess the situation and arrange follow-up. If images have been shared, get help limiting their spread.
When your child crosses other people's boundaries
Read about responsibility, protection and further support.
See advice for parentsSources for this advice
- Helsenorge: Problematisk seksuell atferd hos barn og unge (Norwegian)
- Vestre Viken: Hjelp ved problematisk og skadelig seksuell atferd (Norwegian)
- Politiet: Seksuelle overgrep mot barn (Norwegian)
- Ung.no: Har du utsatt noen for overgrep? (Norwegian)
- Medietilsynet: Samtaler om deling av nakenbilder (Norwegian)
Start the conversation
What you can say
“Do you know what it means to have control over your own body?”
“Can someone you know cross your boundaries? What could you do then?”
“What does it mean to ask whether someone wants something and stop when they don't?”
“What would you do if a friend said someone pressured them into something sexual?”
If your child responds …
Your child says
“But isn't rape when a stranger attacks someone?”
You could respond
“It can happen that way, but rape can also happen between people who know each other, without physical violence. It involves sexual intercourse without consent.”
Your child says
“What if I couldn't say no?”
You could respond
“Being silent or freezing does not mean agreeing. You can tell me or another trusted adult about something that happened.”
Your child says
“What if it's someone I love?”
You could respond
“You can care about someone and still tell us about something that was not okay. Adults are responsible for helping you.”
Keep this in mind
With younger children, begin with body parts, privacy, hugs and secrets before introducing more.
For teenagers, explain freely given consent, the right to change your mind and that abuse can happen between partners too.
Ask calmly without demanding personal experiences or details.
If your child discloses possible abuse, listen, assess safety and get professional help; avoid detailed questioning.
After the conversation
Return to the subject in natural situations. Explain whom your child can contact if something happens, including if they would prefer to speak with another adult.
Sexual abuse and rape
Read an in-depth explanation with specific examples and advice for different ages.
Read the knowledge articleStart the conversation
What you can say
“Thank you for telling me. I'd like to listen.”
“Would you like to tell me what happened?”
“Are you safe now? Is there anyone you're afraid to meet?”
If your child responds …
Your child says
“I think it was my fault.”
You could respond
“The person who pressured you or crossed your boundaries is responsible for what happened. I will help you.”
Your child says
“You must promise to keep it secret.”
You could respond
“I want to listen. If you're in danger, I need to get help to keep you safe. I will explain whom we contact and why.”
Keep this in mind
Let your child tell the story in their own words. Ask open questions and give them time.
Receive what your child tells you without asking them to justify why they acted as they did.
Children may tell their story bit by bit. Several conversations may be needed.
If abuse is suspected, adults must ensure safety and seek guidance on further help.
After the conversation
Make sure your child is safe. After a recent incident, the out-of-hours medical service can assess injuries, infection risk and other care needs. The police and child helpline can advise on protection and follow-up.
Help after an unwanted sexual incident
Read how to support your child and whom to contact. Call 112 in immediate danger.
See advice and support servicesStart the conversation
What you can say
“Thank you for telling me. I'm going to help you.”
“What happened, and is anyone threatening you now?”
“Is anyone asking you for money or more pictures?”
If your child responds …
Your child says
“You'll be angry because I sent the picture.”
You could respond
“I'm glad you've told me. We will work out how to stop this and get you help.”
Your child says
“They say they'll share the picture if I don't pay.”
You could respond
“Don't pay or send anything else. We will contact the police and ask what to do.”
Keep this in mind
Begin with support. Your child may feel both frightened and ashamed.
When someone is being blackmailed, police advise ending contact and not paying or sending more pictures.
Keep usernames, links and details about threats. Ask the police how to handle evidence containing sexual pictures of children.
Help report accounts and get advice on removing pictures.
After the conversation
Ask whether threats or sharing are continuing. Help secure accounts and get advice from the police or Slettmeg.no. Also check how your child is doing at home and school.
When intimate pictures are shared
Read about removing pictures, documenting events and getting help with threats or blackmail.
See advice on intimate pictures and sharingStart the conversation
What you can say
“I've noticed you become anxious when this person sends messages. What's happening?”
“What happens when you say no or want to do something else?”
“Can you spend time with your friends and do the things you enjoy?”
If your child responds …
Your child says
“You don't know the person the way I do.”
You could respond
“You're right. I'd like to understand what your relationship is like. Would you tell me a little?”
Your child says
“They get angry if I don't reply immediately.”
You could respond
“How does it feel when that happens? I'm worried if you feel you must reply to avoid anger.”
Keep this in mind
Ask about specific incidents such as demands for passwords, threats or restrictions on whom your child may see.
Your child may care about the person and still feel unsafe.
Keep yourself available, even if your child defends the person.
If there are threats or violence, seek safety advice before confronting the person.
After the conversation
Check in again and ask how things are going. Agree how your child can reach you if anything happens, and seek advice if you are worried about safety.
When someone tries to control your child
Read about signs of control and how to support your child.
Read about pressure and controlStart the conversation
What you can say
“We can talk later. You can also message me if that's easier.”
“Is there another adult you'd rather speak to? I can help you get in touch.”
“We can go for a walk together if you like.”
If your child responds …
Your child says
“Leave me alone.”
You could respond
“Okay, I'll give you a little time. I'll come back later and ask how you're doing.”
Your child says
“I'd rather speak to someone else.”
You could respond
“That's completely okay. Who would you like to speak to? I can help you contact them.”
Keep this in mind
A short conversation may be enough for now. Try again at a calmer moment.
Give your child the option to write or speak with another trusted adult.
Keep showing interest during ordinary everyday moments.
If you are seriously worried about health or safety, arrange help even if your child wants to be alone.
After the conversation
Check in again and ask how things are going. If you're persistently concerned, ask a school nurse or GP for advice. Tell your child what you're doing and why.
When you need advice on further help
See whom to contact if you're concerned about your child's health or safety.
See who can helpAbout these conversation suggestions
These examples were written by Tidlignok based on professional advice about communication, health and safety. Adapt the words to your child and the way you normally speak together.
Research on parent conversations and sexual health
A 2019 research review combined 31 US studies of parent-based interventions concerning teenagers' sexual health. It found positive effects on communication and condom use. These findings relate to the interventions studied and do not demonstrate the effectiveness of the particular phrases on this page.
Read the research review in JAMA Pediatrics