Boundaries and relationships
A partner or another person seems controlling.
You notice someone trying to decide whom your child spends time with, what they do or how they should behave. Begin by listening to how your child experiences the relationship.
01 · Understand
What can controlling behaviour look like?
Control may involve clothing, friends, phone use or demands for constant availability. Look particularly for a pattern in which your child changes their behaviour to avoid anger, threats or other reactions.
Your child must constantly account for themselves
The other person demands to know where your child is, whom they are with or why they spend time with others.
The phone is used to monitor them
There may be demands for passwords, location sharing or immediate answers to every message.
Your child's freedom becomes limited
Your child gives up friends, activities or their own preferences to keep the other person happy.
Saying no has consequences
The other person responds with threats, humiliation or anger when your child sets a boundary.
02 · Talk
How can you begin the conversation?
Describe one specific thing you have noticed. Be curious about your child's experience and allow for the possibility that they have mixed feelings about the person.
For example, you could say
“I've noticed you often have to answer straight away. What is that like for you?”
“What happens when you want to do something on your own?”
“How would you like a partner or friend to treat you?”
03 · Take action
What can you do now?
Begin by maintaining contact and making your child feel safe. Your child should feel able to come back to you, even if they are unsure what they want to do.
Describe what worries you
Explain what you have seen and why it concerns you. Focus on the actions and how your child experiences them.
Make support concrete
Offer to accompany them to speak with a professional. Ask which adult your child feels safe with.
Ask about safety right now
Find out whether your child is afraid of the next meeting or what the person might do if they set a boundary.
Get advice before intervening
Where there is fear or threats, seek professional guidance on a safe approach before contacting the person you are worried about.
Follow up after the conversation
Arrange another conversation: 'Could we talk again tomorrow?' Continue showing interest in your child's everyday life, friendships and preferences.
04 · Find help
Who can help you next?
Seek advice when control restricts your child's everyday life or they experience fear, pressure or threats. The Norwegian child helpline can advise if you are worried about violence or abuse.
Norwegian child helpline
Call 116 111 if you are worried about violence, abuse or neglect. Adults can also get free anonymous guidance. The helpline is available around the clock.
Call 116 111Norwegian Police
Call the police on 02800 for advice about threats, violence or abuse. Call 112 if there is immediate danger.
Call 02800When it is urgent
If there is immediate danger from violence or threats, call the police on 112. For urgent medical care, call the out-of-hours service on 116 117.
Sources and further reading
The explanations and advice are written for parents and caregivers using the sources below. Conversation examples are suggestions from Tidlignok.